We have rounded up some of the most famous and funny witty quotes, sayings, captions (with pictures and images) words, thoughts, one-liners, by great authors, leaders, actors, and more. These clever lines with a pinch of sarcasm will surely tickle your funny bone. These humorous quotes are sure an answer to all the stupidity you face day in and out.
“Witty” means someone is quick and clever with words, often in a funny way. It’s a sharpness of mind and intelligence but in a funny way. Someone who is witty can make others laugh or think with their spontaneous, smart remarks.
Wit often plays with words in surprising ways, using puns, metaphors, or irony to convey a point or create humor.
Also See: Funny Sarcastic Quotes
These quick-witted and smart quotes, one-liners, status messages, will lighten the air, add humor to your conversations, and make it easy to break the ice and show your fun side too.
Famous Witty Quotes and Sayings
- A witty saying proves nothing.” – Voltaire
witty phrases - “Dreams don’t work unless you do.” – John C. Maxwell
- “Action will destroy your procrastination.” – Og Mandino
funny witty quotes - “Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” – Doris M. Smith
- “Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” – William Shakespeare
witty sarcastic quotes - “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.” – Oliver Goldsmith
short witty quotes - “Down to earth, but still above you.” ― Unknown
Witty Quotes about Self - “Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company..” ― Mark Twain
witty quotes - “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence.” ― Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes Work - “The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.”- William James
Quotes Witty
- “I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow.” – Woodrow Wilson
- “A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.” – J. Robson Koenig
- “Every habit makes our hand more witty, and outwit more handy.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
- “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.” – Richard P. Feyman
- “Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find a good one, you must one hundred try.” – Claude Mermet
- “Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.” – Otto von Bismarck
- “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln
- “A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.” – Michael Bassey Johnson
Witty Captions For Instagram
- “Too glam to give a damn.” ― Unknown
witty captions - “Maybe swearing will help.” ― Unknown
Witty Quotes for Instagram - “Life happens Coffee helps.” ― Unknown
witty quotes funny - “Be anything but predictable.” ― Unknown
witty status quotes - “Smiles are always in fashion!” ― Unknown
quick witty - “Vacation calories don’t count.” ― Unknown
- “Be your own kind of beautiful.” ― Unknown
- “Be bold or italic. Never regular.” ― Unknown
witty quotes images - “I like people too much or not at all.” ― Sylvia Plath
- “I’m sorry, Did I roll my eyes out loud?” ― Unknown
Intelligent Witty Quotes - “Shh… I am hiding from stupid people.” ― Unknown
- “Yes, I’m crazy. Normal is boring for me.” ― Unknown
witty one liners about life - “In my defense, I was left unsupervised.” ― Unknown
witty humor - “Wine is the answer. What was the question?” ― Unknown
Witty Sayings
- “I make wine disappear. What’s your superpower?” ― Unknown
Wise and Witty Quotes - “Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.” ― Unknown
Witty Inspirational Quotes - “I may love to shop, but I’m not buying your bullshit.” ― Unknown
witty comments - “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” ― Lao Tzu
- “Seek to be worth knowing rather than be well known.” ― Unknown
- “I heard you’re a player. Nice to meet you, I’m the coach.” ― Unknown
witty one liners - “We mature with the damage, not with the years.” ― Mateus Williams
famous witty quotes - “Families are like fudge – mostly sweet, with a few nuts.” ― Les Dawson
- “Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.” ― Unknown
- “The most important things in life aren’t things.” ― Anthony J. D’Angelo
Funny Witty Quotes About Life
- “Conquered people tend to be witty”
- “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power”
- “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity”
- “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?”
- “Your secrets are safe with me… I wasn’t even listening.”
- “Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.”
- “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”- Henry Ford
- “Instead of LOL why don’t you try LOLWKASF: Laughing Out Loud While Keeping A Straight Face.”
Related: Cool Funny Sayings
Short Witty Captions and Quotes
- “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.”
- “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers
- “It takes a long time to grow an old friend.” – John Leonard
- “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” – Tom Robbins
- “Never try to have the last word. You might get it.” – Robert Heinlein
- “One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.” – Robert Heinlein
- “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius
- “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”
- “If you want to make enemies, try to change something.” – Woodrow Wilson
- “It is far better to be alone than to be in bad company.” – George Washington
- “Maturity involves turning an insult into a feedback.” – Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel
- “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” – Oscar Wilde
- “Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” – Robert J. Sawyer
- “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.” – Soren Kierkegaard
- “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” – Ronald Reagan
Witty Quotes about Work
- “In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.”
- “Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.”
- “Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.”
- “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.”
- “When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die.”
- “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
- “The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”
- “It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.”
- “The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.”
- “I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”
Witty Inspirational Quotes
- “Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.” — Desmond Tutu
- “Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.”— Unknown
- “If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”— Steven Wright
- “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” — Thomas A. Edison
- “Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.”— Unknown
- “Everybody is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.”— Unknown
- “Wise are my ways witty my actions.” — N A Parnham
- “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” — Steven Wright
- “When someone says, “You’ve Changed”, it simply means you’ve stopped living your life their way.”
- “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”— Billy Sunday
- “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.”— Will Rogers
Clever Witty Quotes for Instagram
- “I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it.”
- “Weekend, please don’t leave me.”
- “Be who and what you want, period.”
- “I used to have class… then I graduated.”
- “Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt…”
- “Sometimes, all you attract is fuzz and pet hair.”
- “I’ll never try to fit in. I was born to STAND OUT!”
- “Don’t take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive.”
- “Where you movin’? I said onto better things.” – Drake
- “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”
Witty One Liners About Life
- “Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, Chocolate understands.” ― Unknown
- “Ways to my heart: 1. Buy me food. 2. Make me food. 3. Be Food.” ― Unknown
- “God made you. God made me. Then he whispered meant to be…” ― Unknown
- “I wonder how many calories bitches burn by jumping to conclusions.” ― Unknown
- “The question isn’t who is going to let me; its who is going to stop me.” ― Ayn Rand
- “Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine.” ― Unknown
- “My head says, “who cares?” But then my heart whispers, “You do, stupid…”” ― Unknown
- “I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you unarmed.” ― William Shakespeare
- “I told you I’ll be ready in five minutes. Stop calling me every half hour.” – Marilyn Monroe
- “I’ve learned so much from my mistakes… I’m thinking of making some more.” ― Cheryl Cole
- “Mephobia. Fear of becoming so awesome that the human race can’t handle it and everyone dies.” ― Unknown
- “So many years of education yet nobody ever taught us how to love ourselves and why it’s so important.” ― Unknown
- “Don’t underestimate me. I know more than I say, I think more than I speak, and notice more than you realize.” ― Unknown
- “I know I don’t have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with… I would hate to be wasteful.” ― Unknown
Cute and Witty Birthday Quotes
- “It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.”
- “At least you’re not as old as you will be next year.”
- “After 30, a body has a mind of its own.” Bette Midler
- “You’re not forty, you’re eighteen with twenty-two years experience.”
- “Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.”
- “You’re not as young as you used to be. But you’re not as old as you’re going to be.”
- “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
- “We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
- “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain
- “Don’t regret another birthday, the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it.” Catherine Pulsifer
Looking for some more intelligent quotes?
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Encouraging Quotes for Everyday
Being witty involves quick thinking, a good sense of humor, and an understanding of situations and people. If you want to develop or enhance your wit, here are some steps to consider:
- Read Widely: Expose yourself to various forms of literature, from classic novels to modern humor columns. This broadens your vocabulary and exposes you to different styles of humor.
- Watch Comedies and Listen to Comedians: Observing professionals can give you insights into timing and delivery, which are crucial for wit.
- Engage in Conversations: The more you talk to people, the better you’ll get at formulating quick and clever responses.
- Learn the Art of Timing: Being witty isn’t just about what you say, but when you say it. Sometimes, a slight pause before delivering your line can make all the difference.
Remember, while wit is a delightful skill to possess, it’s essential to use it kindly. The goal is to entertain and engage, not to hurt or belittle others.
