Ron Swanson Quotes From Parks And Recreation

Let’s dive into the world of epic Ron Swanson quotes and epic one-liners that’ll leave you laughing for days.! If you’re a fan of “Parks and Recreation,” you already know he’s the king of deadpan humor and sage advice.

And if you might be wondering, who the heck is this Ron guy? Well, let me introduce you to Ron Swanson! He’s this fictional character from that awesome TV show “Parks and Recreation,” played by the legendary Nick Offerman.

Ron’s the kind of guy who’s got a mustache that could chop wood, and a deadpan delivery that’ll have you in stitches. He’s the brains behind some of the funniest and most memorable quotes you’ll ever hear on TV. Seriously, this guy’s got a knack for dropping wisdom bombs while keeping a straight face.

With his no-nonsense attitude and hilarious sayings, Ron Swanson is a character you can’t help but love. The character “Ron” says exactly what he means, whether it’s about meat, government, or his beloved woodworking.

So, whether you’re here for the laughs or the life lessons, grab a seat and prepare to be entertained by the one and only Ron Swanson!

Top 10 Ron Swanson Quotes

“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.” — Ron Swanson
“Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.” — Ron Swanson
“Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.” — Ron Swanson
“There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food.” — Ron Swanson
“Live your life how you want, but don’t confuse drama with happiness.” — Ron Swanson
“Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing.” — Ron Swanson
“One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it.” — Ron Swanson
“If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults.” — Ron Swanson
“Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.” — Ron Swanson
“Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish… and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.” — Ron Swanson

Best Ron Swanson Lines

“Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.” — Ron Swanson
“Barbecues should be about one thing: good shared meat.” — Ron Swanson
“Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.” — Ron Swanson
“What religion am I? Well I am practicing none of your damn business.” — Ron Swanson
“I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.” — Ron Swanson
“There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.” — Ron Swanson
“I’d wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.” — Ron Swanson
“The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.” — Ron Swanson
“When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.” — Ron Swanson
“I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16-ounce T-bone and a 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.” — Ron Swanson

Famous Parks and Recreation Ron Swanson Quotes

“Fishing is for sport only. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.” — Ron Swanson
“Put some alcohol in your mouth to block the words from coming out.” — Ron Swanson
“This is not government work, as such I treat it with care and attention.” — Ron Swanson
“I am not a sore loser. It’s just that I prefer to win and when I don’t, I get furious.” — Ron Swanson
“I have never lied about anything in my life. Though, I suppose you could construe camouflage as a lie.” — Ron Swanson
“On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.” — Ron Swanson
“Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait … I worry what you heard was, ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was, give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?” — Ron Swanson
“That is a canvas sheet, the most versatile object known to man. It can be used to make tents, backpacks, shoes, stretchers, sails, tarpaulins, and I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances, it can be a surface on which to make art.” — Ron Swanson
“The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.” — Ron Swanson
“The Human Resources department requires that I be available once a month to discuss workplace disputes with my employees. The rules do not specify whether or not I am allowed to listen to Willie Nelson on my headphones.” — Ron Swanson

Famous Ron Swanson Quotes

“I hope the rest of your day is cool beans.” — Ron Swanson
“Breakfast food can serve many purposes.” — Ron Swanson
“Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous.” — Ron Swanson
“There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.” — Ron Swanson
“I can’t think of anything more noble to go to war over, than bacon and eggs.” — Ron Swanson
“In my opinion, not enough people have looked their dinner in the eyes and considered the circle of life.” — Ron Swanson
“It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.” — Ron Swanson
“I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.” — Ron Swanson
“I’ve cried twice in my life. Once when I was 7 and hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li’l Sebastian had passed.” — Ron Swanson
“Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night, if it meant nothing got done.” — Ron Swanson