Funny Christmas Quotes, Sayings & Captions [2024]

As Christmas is fast approaching, what could be better to celebrate the festive season with a hearty laugh? Christmas is a time for high spirits, love, and hanging out with family and friends. But amidst caroling, decorating the house, and exchanging gifts, it’s the dash of humor that twinkles the holiday season. These best funny Christmas quotes, sayings, and captions will surely tickle your funny bone and bring a smile to your face.

Also Check: Short Christmas Quotes

And I feel, Xmas is the perfect time to gather around with loved ones, sip hot cocoa, and, most importantly, share a good laugh. Between the awkward family photos, hilarious holiday mishaps, and the endless supply of fruitcake jokes, there’s no shortage of reasons to smile this season. So, get ready to sprinkle a little humor into your holidays with these funny Christmas images and pics. It’s time to jingle all the way… to a belly laugh!

Top 10 Funny Christmas Quotes

1. “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” — Gary Allan

   
2. “It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.” — Unknown

   

3. “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” — Andy Borowitz 

   

4. “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” — Elf

   

5. “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge 

   

6. “The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin

   

7. “There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” — Bob Phillips 

   

8. “Dear Santa, Is it too late to be good?” — Unknown

   

9. “What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” — Don Marquis

   

10. “One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” — Andy Rooney

    

Funny Christmas Captions For Instagram

1. Single all the way.
2. The Elf did it.
3. Dear Santa, I was framed.
4. But first, let me take an elfie.
5. Sleigh all day, then cabernet.
6. Dear Santa, define ‘nice.’
7. Believe in your elf.
8. Keep calm and jingle on.
9. Dear Santa… I can explain.
10. Sleigh all day, then cabernet.
11. More presents, less drama.
12. Christmas calories don’t count, right?
13. I’ll be ho-ho-home for Christmas.
14. Deck the halls with sarcasm and wit.
15. Hoping Rudolph eats the naughty list.
16. Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.
17. Santa’s favorite ho-ho-homebody
18. Tis the season! Let the overeating begin!
19. It’s beginning to look a lot like cocktails.
20. My resting Grinch face is in full effect.

Christmas Humor Images & Quotes

1. “Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” — Ellen Degeneres

   

2. “You can’t fool me—there ain’t no Sanity Clause!” — Chico Marx

   

3. “Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy.’” — Robert Paul

   

4. “Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even if you’re home.” — Carol Nelson

   

5. “Christmas is a race to see which gives out first—your money or your feet.” — Unknown

   

6. “Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” — Kin Hubbard
7. “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” — Unknown

   

8. Hey, since when is Christmas just about the presents? Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day? The birth of Santa. — Bart Simpson

   

9. “It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.” — Unknown

   

10. “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” — Johnny Carson
11. “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” — Jerry Seinfeld
12. “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” — Elf
13. “The two most joyous times of the year are Christmas morning and the end of school.” — Alice Cooper
14. “Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” — Stephen Fry
15.  “The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” — Johnny Carson

Short Funny Christmas Quotes To Bring Smiles

1. “Let’s get lit.” — Unknown
2. “Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.” — Unknown
3. “I’m only a morning person on December 25th.” — Unknown
4. “Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” — Andy Borowitz
5. “You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” — Robert Paul
6. “The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can’t charge it.” — Bill Vaughan
7. “Santa’s reindeer get around so fast because they have athletes feet.” — Kids Sure Are Funny
8. “I’d rather do community service than sit and write a load of Christmas cards.” — Paul O’Grady
9. “Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas.” — Melanie White
10. “Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.” — Charles M. Schulz
11. “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” — Winston Spear
12. “I wish we could put some of our Christmas spirit in jars and open one up every month.” — Unknown
13. “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — Henny Youngman

Funny Christmas Quotes For Friends

1. “I just stole Santa’s naughty list! Ironically, it’s almost identical to my friends list.” — Unknown
2. “One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.” — Grace Kriley
3. “Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends.” — Larry Wilde
4. “I put so much thought into your gift that it’s now too late to get it. Merry Christmas anyways!” — Unknown
5. “Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” — Kin Hubbard
6. “Santa told me you’d been very good this year. I told him it was just lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!” — Unknown
7. “Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” — Melanie White
8. “It’s Christmas Eve! It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.” — Bill Murray

Funny Christmas Sayings For Family

1. “My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” — Melanie White
2. “There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Not one of them is on my son’s list.” — Milton Berle
3. “More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good.” — Linda Sunshine
4. “Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.” — Charles M. Schulz
5. “A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” — Melanie White
6. “No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.” — Erma Bombeck
7. “The best Christmas present I got from my husband was a week to do whatever I wanted.” — Olivia Williams
8. “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” — Larry Wilde
9. “The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” — Joan Rivers
10. “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘Toys not included.’” — Bernard Manning

Hilarious & Funny Christmas Quotes To Celebrate

1. “At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” — Robert Godden
2. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” — Unknown
3. “There’s something about a Christmas sweater that will always make me laugh.” — Kristen Wiig
4. “Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.” — Douglas Coupland
5. “Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” — Phyllis Diller
6. “Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.” — Stephen Jones
7. “I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking.” — Earthman Adam
8. “Dear Santa, I have been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.” — Unknown
9. “You can just hear Santa saying ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ when you receive your credit card statement in January.” — Kate Summers
10. “I just want to be rich enough to buy enough ornaments to cover more than one side of the tree.” — Charlotte Christmas
11. “The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” — Julius Sharpe

Funny Christmas Quotes To Celebrate The Holiday With Humor

1. “I don’t want Christmas season to end, because it’s the only time I can legitimately indulge in on particular addiction: glitter.” — Eloisa James
2. “Santa Clause wears a red suit. He must be a communist. And long hair. He must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe he’s smoking?” — Arlo Guthrie
3. “This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” — Guy Endore Kaiser
4. “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” — Shirley Temple
5. “Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” — Dave Barry
6. “One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.” — J.K. Rowling
7. “I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.” — Bridger Winegar
8. “One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.” — Louis C.K.
9. “Christmas is the only festival when you buy gifts for your loved ones this year and pay for them till the last month of the next year. Merry Christmas!” — Unknown

Funny Christmas Movie Quotes To Make You Laugh

1. “Santa, hold on. Can I talk to you for a second?” — Home Alone
2. “Thanks, but I’m seeing someone in wrapping.” — The Santa Clause
3. “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.” — Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
4. “It was an ugly tree anyway.” — National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
5. “It’s just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture.” — Elf
6. “Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn’t allow it.” — How the Grinch Stole Christmas
7. “Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas.” — National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
8. “I didn’t come here to make an impression on anybody, I just came here to blow every last cent I had.” — Last Holiday
9. “I don’t know what to say, but it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” — National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
10. “Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale.” — Home Alone

More Christmas Quotes And Captions

Grinch Christmas Quotes

Christmas Captions With Friends

Positive Christmas Quotes and Sayings

Christmas Greeting Cards, Wishes, and Pics

Conclusion

Remember, laughter is the best decoration for your Christmas and holiday memories. And these funny Christmas movie quotes and funny holiday quotes will surely add happy and funny moments to your Christmas celebrations.

So, feel free to share these funny Christmas quotes with your friends and family to spread some festive cheer, or use them as hilarious Christmas Instagram captions. You can even use them as text on your Christmas card or gifts this year.

Which of these funny Christmas quotes, messages and wishes do you find the most funny? Do you have any other favorite quotes to add? Let us know in the comment section below.