Looking for some laughter to heal from your breakup? We have rounded up some of the best funny break up quotes, sayings, lines, text messages, captions, (with images and pictures) to help you overcome the pain and sadness of your breakup and help you move on in life.
Also See: Funny Words of Wisdom
A breakup can be the most difficult thing to deal with, in a person’s life. But no matter how bad things are, one has to move on in life.
Also See: Cheer Up Quotes and Sayings
Instead of slipping into solace and depression try to be with your friends and lighten up with these breakup jokes and quotes. This sarcastic break up quotes will make you feel better and surely bring a smile to your face. Don’t forget to check out our collection of attitude breakup quotes and captions for the heartbroken.
Savage Funny Breakup Quotes and One-Liners
- “I got through to a stupid person today!” — Unknown
- “Of all my mistakes, you were the mistakiest.” — Unknown
- “Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.” — Unknown
- “I break up very well. I am a good breaker-upper.” — Simon Cowell
- “You mean more to me than life itself – but I’m suicidal.” — Unknown
- “Thanks for dating someone ugly after we broke up. I win.” — Unknown
- “It’s not you, it’s me finally realizing you’re terrible for me.” — Unknown
- “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost as if you’re here!” — Billy Ray Cyrus
- “When you start fantasizing about his funeral, you know it’s over.” — Unknown
- “Every time I look at you, I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.” — Oscar Levant
- “The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends.” — Gwyneth Paltrow
- “Hate is such a luxurious emotion, it can only be spent on one we love.” — Bob Udkoff
- “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness clearly never paid for a divorce!” — Unknown
- “If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.” — George Carlin
- “There’s something I’ve been wanting to say since the day we met….goodbye.” — Unknown
- “Congratulations on your break up! Nobody could stand that bastard any way.” — Unknown
- “All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.” — Mae West
- “Our break up was due to religious differences. He thought he was God. I didn’t.” — Unknown
- “Oh you’re dating my ex? Cool, I’m eating a sandwich…want those leftovers too?” — Unknown
- “Two things: 1) Where have you been all my life? 2) Can you please go back there?” — Unknown
- “Next guy that breaks my heart is getting pepper sprayed, look now we both crying.” — Unknown
- “This just isn’t for me. Nothing personal. I want to be able to tell people – I’m single.” — Unknown
- “My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.” — Rita Rudner
- “The best revenge against a woman who steals your man from you is to let her keep him.” — Unknown
- “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because that asshole is finally someone else’s problem.” — Unknown
- “You talked about the future, and that freaked me out. It makes me sick to think about it.” — Unknown
- “Definition of Ex : Thanks for the Ex-perience. Our time has Ex-pired. Now, Ex-it my life.” — Unknown
- “I used to think you took my breath away, but then I realized I was just suffocated by your bullshit.” — Unknown
- “When your ex says, “You’ll never find anyone like me again.” Tell him, “That’s the point, you idiot.” — Unknown
- “Breakup with you on Facebook was the easiest way for me to let your friends know I was available.” — Unknown
- “My dog is having puppies and I need to take a year off in order to train them to attack your picture.” — Unknown
- “Break ups aren’t always meant for make ups. Sometimes relationships end in order for you to wake up.” — Unknown
- “My mother always told me to put things back where I found them…so I’m about to put this bitch in her place.” — Unknown
- “There are always a few before-Valentine’s Day breakups that allow people to cancel reservations.” — John Imbergamo
- “Your ex asking you to be friends after break up is like kidnappers asking you to keep in touch after letting you go.” — Unknown
- “I know the Bible talks about forgiveness and all but I’m pretty sure Jesus would hold my purse while I kicked your ass.” — Unknown
- “Let’s celebrate your breakup with a night out that produces enough awesome Facebook pictures he’ll have to see them.” — Unknown
- “Couples don’t break up anymore, one person just acts like an asshole till the other person can’t take it anymore.” — Unknown
- “Is there a cure for a broken heart? Only time can heal your broken heart, just as time can heal his broken arms and legs.” — Miss Piggy
- “There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that.” — Steve Martin
- “If someone breaks your heart just punch them in the face. Seriously punch them in the face and go get some ice cream.” — Frank Ocean
- “A breakup would imply she was my girlfriend. She was a girl who was my friend who is now a girl who is not my friend.” — Sheldon Cooper
- “The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.” — Johnny Carson
- “How am I supposed to forget you when every time I go outside I see things that remind me of you like garbage cans and dog shit.” — Unknown
- “I’m anxious for the day you realize I was the complete package after you have moved on to dog-faced uneducated hookers.” — Unknown
- “I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.” — Unknown
- “You’re the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi, and the ketchup to my ice cream. My point is, you’re worthless.” — Unknown
- “Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives and make us want to leave footprints on their face.” — Unknown
- “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” — Jerry Seinfeld
- “I have a pet dog, he kisses like you, his breath is like yours, he pants like you. I love him dearly but I wouldn’t want to marry him. Let’s part before this goes any farther.” — Unknown
- “I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes if I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.” — Rita Rudner
- “I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you?” — Unknown
Funny Breakup Picture Quotes And Images
- “Not to sound bitter but I hope hurting me haunts you for years.” — Unknown
- “I don’t want you back, but I would kill for the feeling of meeting you all over again.” — Jessica Katoff
- “DON’T CRY because it’s over; SMILE because that asshole is finally someone else’s problem.” — Unknown
- “Break ups aren’t always meant for make ups. Sometimes relationships end in order for you to wake up.” — Unknown
- “Dear Heart, This is what happens when you try to make decisions on your own. Sincerely, Brain.” — Unknown
- “After a breakup, the loyal one stays single and deals with the damages until healed. The other one is already in another relationship.” — Unknown
- “If someone breaks your heart, just PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE. Seriously. PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE and go get some ice cream.” — Frank Ocean
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