Looking for savage quotes from the iconic character Robert California? We have rounded up the best collection of Robert California quotes, sayings, speeches, and one-liners (with images and pictures) from the memorable tv series “The Office”.
Robert California, also known as Bob Kazamakis, is a fictional character on the U.S. comedy television series The Office, portrayed by James Spader.
Robert first appeared in the seventh season finale, “Search Committee”, as an interviewee for the Scranton branch Manager position.
He was a genius in the truest sense and no one could argue with him. It might feel underwhelming, but this may well be his crowning intellectual achievement.
These famous Robert California quotes from the show on love and life are wise, motivational, and funny which you can relate to and learn from his life experiences.
“I’m The Effing Lizard King.” robert california lizard king quote
“You don’t work in sales, do you.”
“I’m afraid you’ve lost my interest.”
robert california the office quotes
“Shh… shh… [vomits in trash can].”
“I’m afraid you’ve lost my interest.”
“There is only sx. Everything is sx.”
Best Robert California Quotes
“Yes, For God’s sake, Andy, yes, please come in.”
“Jim, what does your daughter think of the street?”
“You’re going to want to hear the seual metaphor.”
“They never have improved on the Oreo, have they?”
“Do I look like someone who would waste my own time?” Robert California Quotes
“Jim your daughter Cecilia, what does She think of the Street?”
“You read my notebook? And photo-copied it? And distributed it?”
“There’s something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional.” Best Robert California Quotes
“Hey, my friend, trust me. This is For the best. I never understood That corporate mess.”
“I saw an episode of how they make paper on Sesame Street. [nods at Dwight mockingly]”
“Oof! [laughs] Wouldn’t wanna be a Sabre employee right about now. [laughs] I’m actually the CEO.”
“[Speaking to Andy over the phone] You don’t even know my real name. I’m the f*cking Lizard King.”
“Our favorite names, silly made-up names, normal names said in a silly voice. Wouldn’t That be nice?”
“Let me tell you some things I find productive. Positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement. Honesty.”
“[more emphatically than Jim] Yes. You do. [nods at the Search Committee, then looks over at the camera with a smirk on his face]”
“That business can’t attract anyone. It’s awful up there. Those people seem like they’re in prison, waiting out life sentences in a… dying industry.”
“My point is, there is one person in charge of every office in America, and that person is Charles Darwin. In the end, doesn’t he decide who the manager is?”
“Erin when you recount your day never say you woke up. That’s a waste of your time. That’s how Every day is begun For everyone since the dawn of man.”
“Will you be heard? Will you have a voice? Will I steamroll over you? Do you feel heard right now, Jim? Do you have a voice, right now? You can answer me.”
“I know you now, your nature. I’m done. Not worth continuing. [at the same time, Dwight says: You don’t know me! Anything about me! Get out of my head!]”
Top Robert California Quotes From The Office
“I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It’s rock & roll for people who don’t like rock & roll. It’s rap for people who don’t like rap. It’s pop for people who don’t like pop.”
“When I was a boy, there was an empty house just up the hill from my family’s. It was rumored a man committed suicide there after being possessed by the devil.”
“If I invited you to lunch, I think you’re a winner. If I didn’t I don’t. But I just met you all. Life is long, opinions change. Winners, prove me right. Losers, prove me wrong.”
“The era of personal service is back. You are back. You’ll find the customers will pay our higher prices and then they will thank us, and we will say to them “you are welcome.”
“There is no such thing as a product. Don’t ever think there is. There is only… sex. Everything… is sex. You understand That what I’m telling you is a universal truth,… Toby.”
“Trust me, one nine minute bout is the cardiovascular equivalent of running uphill for three hours. I could go to the gym three times a week, or I could wrestle Stu once a month.”
“When I put in the screening room, I bought three movies: Caligula, Last Tango in Paris, and Emmanuelle 2. Last two movies I actually watched in here: Marley and Me and On Golden F*cking Pond.”
“The crib was full of dirt. Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching toward baby. For they were mummies.”
“Here’s what It is, it’s a doodle. Some people doodle at work when they let their mind run. They draw houses, penises. Funny how the houses are always colonials and the penises are always circumcised, don’t you think?”
“I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find It best to recuse myself temporarily until I’ve had a chance to make love, and then go back and analyze the situation rationally. Buffett operates the same way.”
“Elmo. God save us… the Elmo era. Sesame Street was created to reflect the environment of the children watching it. The complete self-absorption of Elmo is brilliantly reflective of our time. Our’s is a cultural ghetto. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“One day, the Baby will grow up. But, without you, Andy and I would be sitting in our dirty diapers, waiting For someone to change us, wipe us. I should be toasting you, thanking you, For allowing me to have the easiest job in the universe. Cheers.”
“I’ll tell you some thing I find unproductive. Constantly worrying about where you stand based on inscrutable social cues, and then inevitably reframing It all in a reassuring way so That you can get to sleep at night. No, I do not believe in That at all.”
“Can everyone just, please… I had a one-man saturnalia last night, in celebration of the finalization of my divorce. I got into a case of Australian reds, and – how should I say this – Columbian whites. What – what is this about, uh, Binghamton?”
“FEAR plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us. How dare we let it into our decision making, into our livelihood, into our relationships. It’s funny isn’t it? We take a day every year to dress up in costume and celebrate FEAR.”
“That was your choice, not mine. The fallacy is That It is up to the steamroller. It is up to the object… whether It will be flattened or not, and I can tell from the small interaction we’ve had already, you won’t be flattened by anybody. Do you agree with me, Jim?”
“Every time She wanted to act and didn’t, another part of Her face hardened, until It was stone. And That fevered night, She rushed to the nursery, threw open the door, ‘Baby, are you okay?’ Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, ‘I’m fine, b*tch. I’m fine.’”
“Ah. [chuckles] Well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-p*nised debutante. You wanna start a street fight with me, bring It on, but you’re gonna be surprised by how ugly It gets. You don’t even know my real name. I’m the f*cking lizard king.”
“You see, I sit across from a man. I see his face. I see his eyes. Now, does It matter if he wants a hundred dollars of paper or a hundred million dollars of deep-sea drilling equipment? Don’t be a fool. He wants respect. He wants love. He wants to be younger. He wants to be attractive.”
“One day, a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with Her infant child. That very night, Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound. [hisses] She walked to the nursery, and there, in baby’s crib, was a snake wrapped around baby’s neck, squeezing tighter and tighter.”
“Shaping a company is, in a sense, similar to training a geisha. You have to mold not merely the physical form, but also the character. The two must harmonize. Are they still there? They want a decision who gets the big client. Well, they can wait. I’ll still be talking about geishas long past their bedtime. You know, I trained as one.”
“For Lydia and Her husband had had an argument, one they couldn’t get past. Each night, they slept one inch farther apart, until one night, Lydia left. It was about this time She lost herself in imaginary worlds. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse.”
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