150 Best Funny Alcohol Quotes, Memes, Drinking Quotes

Looking for some cool and funny quotes on alcohol and drinking? We have compiled some of the most hilarious alcohol quotes and sayings, Funny drinking quotes, images, and wallpapers for you to enjoy the happy moments after drinking.

Also See: Funny Drinking With Friends Quotes

Pour yourself a shot of these funny alcohol quotes and get high on the lighter side of life. These cool pics will surely leave you in splits and make you laugh with or without liquor.

Top 10 Funny Alcohol Quotes

“Alcohol You Later.”
“Trust me You can Dance – Alcohol”
“If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA.”
“I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL.”
“Step Aside COFFEE This is a Job for ALCOHOL”
“Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness. — Seneca
“Not to get technical, But according to chemistry ALCOHOL is a solution.”
“Always buy a bigger bottle than you think You’ll need. Better to be safe than sober.”
“People are not addicted to Alcohol or drugs, They are addicted to escaping reality.”
“Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” — G.K. Chesterton

Funny Drinking Quotes

Some drink alcohol to find solace, and some have it to forget their sorrows, while it’s an addiction for some.

Also See: Funny Quotes

These hilarious quotes and sayings on drinks and alcohol may be relatable to you and bring out the light side of alcoholism. #DrinkResponsibily

“Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.”
“I drink to make other people more interesting.”
“Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.”
“One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough.”
“I know I should give up drinking; but I am not a quitter.”
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
“One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.”
“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
“Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.”
“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”

Funny Quotes For Drinking

“Responsible Drinking? Now that’s an Oxymoron.” ― Aaron Howard
“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?” – Stephen Wright
“A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.” – Charlie Chaplin
“I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been over served.” ― George Gobel
“Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.”
“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.”
“The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.”
“Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean, against tables, chairs, walls, floors and ugly people.

Funny Quotes About Drinking

“War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.”- William Faulkner
“Drink today, and drown all sorrow; you shall perhaps not do tomorrow.” – John Fletcher
“Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.”― Jerry Vale
“I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill
“A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” – W.C. Fields
“Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.”
“I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.”- Brendan Behan
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
“Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.” – Lord Byron
“I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” – George Best
The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.” ― William Butler Yeats
“Always do sober what you said you’d do when you were drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut!” — Ernest Hemingway
“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”- Ernest Hemingway
“A man is a fool is he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward.”- Frank Lloyd Wright
“I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” ― George F. Burns

Beer Quotes

“He was a wise man who invented beer.” – Plato
“Don’t cry over spilled milk…it could have been beer!”
“Let’s have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.”
“Beer doesn’t have many vitamins. That’s why you need to drink lots of it.”
“Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.” – Henry Lawson
“Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”- Kaiser Wilhelm
“No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.”- John Churchill
“How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.”
“If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.”— David Daye
“People who drink light ‘beer’ don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot.”- Capital Brewery
“I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.”
“In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.”
“There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.”
“If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.”- Jack Handy
“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”

Wine Quotes

“Either give me more wine or leave me alone.”- Rumi
“Of course size matters. No one wants a small glass of wine.”
“Nothing lasts forever so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off.”
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C Fields
“Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.”- F. Scott Fitzgerald
“I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.”
“Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” -Pope John XXIII
“I drink alcohol to drown my problems, unfortunately my problems are damn good swimmers.”
“A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world.”- Louis Pasteur
“This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.”- Samuel Johnson
“Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”- Joan Collins
“Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”- Steve Martin
“I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.”
“If I ever go missing, I want my picture on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton, this way my friends will know I am missing.”

Alcohol Captions For Instagram

“Home is where the wine is.”
“A drunk man never tells a lie.”
“I swear to Drunk, I’m not God!”
“Act single, see double, drink triple”
“You look like I need another drink.”
“I’m not as think as you drunk I am.”
“Nothing in life is absolute only vodka.”
“You say alcoholism, I say liver crossfit.”
“Because alcohol tastes better than tears.”
“You put the fun in functioning alcoholic.”
“A party without alcohol is just a meeting.”
“I work until beer o’clock.” – Stephen King
“One tequila two tequila three takillya floor”
“Save the earth, its the only planet with beer.”
“I said no to alcohol, but it just doesn’t listen.”
“I drink because I work, I work so I can drink.”
“Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.”
“To me ‘Drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.”
“Friday is the beginning of my liver’s workweek.”
“Lips that touch liquor touch other lips quicker…”
“I’m on whiskey diet… I’ve lost three days already!”
“He that drinks fast, pays slow.”- Benjamin Franklin
“They say follow your heart and it led me to alcohol.”
“Beer is now cheaper than gas, do drink, don’t drive!”
“Good people drink good beer.”- Hunter S. Thompson
“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” ― Ogden Nash
“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”- Oscar Wilde
“I don’t have a drinking problem, I have thirst problem.”
“I am a drinker with writing problems.”- Brendan Behan
“You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.”
“Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.”
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
“Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.” – Kinky Friedman
“DRINK TO FORGET BUT NEVER FORGET TO DRINK!”
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can buy you alcohol.”
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
“We drink and we die and continue to drink.”- Dennis Leary
“May you always have love in your heart and beer in your belly.”
“My boss didn’t know I drank, till one day I came to work sober.”
“Alcohol is the cause and the solution to many of life’s problems.”
“Alcohol helps me listen to your bullshit and pretend to believe it.”
“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”- Steve Fergosi
“There are more old drunkards than old physicians.”- Bernard Shaw
“I drink to make other people more interesting.”- Ernest Hemingway
“Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.”
“If smokers can have smoking breaks, why can’t I have drinking breaks.”
“I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.”
“Alcohol is a perfect solvent, it dissolves marriages, families and careers.”
“Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.”
“Good friends make the world go round, but good beer makes the room go round.”

Champagne, Vodka, And Whiskey Quotes

“Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.”- Tom Waits
“Alcohol, what’s that? It’s not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.”
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald
“I realize I may not be everyone’s cup of tea. I’d rather be someone’s shot of Tequila anyway.”
“I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not” – Coco Chanel
“Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient Champagne.”—Dorothy Parker
“There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.”- Bette Davis
“There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” – Raymond Chandler
“Alcohol removes inhibitions – like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: “Now bring on that damn cat!” – Eleanor Early
“I heard this one the other day… When life gives you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who’s life gave them vodka, mix them together and have a party!!”

Alcohol Quotes And Sayings

“The best beer is an open beer.”
“Drinking is not a solution, unless we’re talking about alcohol.”
“Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.”
“Alcohol does not solve problems, but then again, neither does milk.”
“My tolerance for alcohol is way higher than my tolerance for people.”
“Alcohol is not the answer. Alcohol is the question. Yes is the answer.
“I don’t have a drinking problem ‘Cept when I can’t get a drink.” – Tom Waits
“Alcohol – Because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.”
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.”
“I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.” – Joe E. Lewis
“Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I’m not in a hurry.”
“Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.” Francois Rabelais
“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”- Humphrey Bogart
“I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”-Winston Churchill
“I drink alcohol to drown my problems, unfortunately my problems are damn good swimmers.”
“Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of a group of grains that could have become beer but didn’t.”
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”- F. Scott Fitzgerald
“One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.”- Lady Nancy Astor
“Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.”- Lord Byron
“I realized I was drinking too much, So I decided to cut down, I now only drink on days ending in Y.”
“I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when it’s not my birthday.”
“When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.”
“I hate when people say that you don’t need alcohol to have fun. Well, you don’t need running shoes to run but it helps.”
“I read an article that said if you drink every day you might be an alcoholic… thank God I only drink every night.”
“Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.”- Herman Smith- Johannsen
“They say so many people die because of alcohol. Ironically, they never realized how many of them are born because of it.”
“The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.”- William Temple
“I have made an important discovery… that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.” – Oscar Wilde
“Dear Alcohol, we had a deal, you were going to make me funnier, sexier, more intelligent and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.”
“When you accidentally pour too much alcohol into your mixed drink and you have to just deal with it because your mother didn’t raise a quitter.”
“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, That’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”- Frank Sinatra
“I try to convince myself that it’s the alcohol talking. But alcohol can’t talk. It just sits there. It can’t even get itself out of the bottle.”- David Levithan
“Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.”—Conan O’Brien
“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.” -Dave Barry
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? You know there’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”—Drew Carey