Funny Facebook Status Messages And Tweets [2024]

Looking for interesting and funny status messages for your social media accounts?? We have rounded up the best collection of funny Facebook status messages, captions, quotes, and tweets, to upload unique and witty lines to get tons of likes on your posts.

Starting your day on a fun note is always the best thing for a great day! Crazy and witty status updates on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram can let your friends and followers know your perspective and mood wrapped in some sarcasm.

If you are amused by your friend’s Facebook status and need some sassy status updates to take social media by storm, then have a look at these clever, cute, and funny Facebook and WhatsApp status, tweets and captions for your photos.

Humor, jokes, sarcastic puns, and one-liners are the best way to lighten your mood and bring a smile to your friend’s and follower’s faces.

Funny Facebook Status Messages

  1. Busy now but free forever.
  2. Can’t talk, telepathy only!                                                                                                                             
    funny facebook status
    funny facebook status
  3. I need Google in my brain.
  4. Life is a bitch. So I am
  5. Eat…sleep….regret……repeat.
  6. I am not lazy. Saving energy.
  7. Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
  8. Gravity always gets me down. 🙂
  9. Relationship Status: COMING SOON
  10. What do girls want? EVERYTHING!!!
  11. No prejudice; I hate everyone equally.                                                                                                     
    funny status
    funny status
  12. Say it on my face not via Facebook status.
  13. Don’t like me. I am not a Facebook status.
  14. People with high status don’t need status.
  15. Status: I can’t log into Facebook.
  16. One person’s LOL is another’s WTF!
  17. I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep 🙂
  18. Every time I drink I get awesome 🙂
  19. Trust me; you can dance. – Vodka
  20. Facebook must have an enemy list too.                                                                                                                 
    status facebook funny
    status facebook funny
  21. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  22. I hate when I’m laughing & my ass falls off.
  23. Sleep till you’re hungry….Eat till you’re sleepy.
  24. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
  25. Stop checking my status ! Go Get A Life?
  26. Back in 5 minutes (If not, read this status again).                                                                       
    funny facebook posts
    funny facebook posts
  27. Style is a way to say who you are without speaking.
  28. They say women only use 10% of their anger.
  29. I am quitting Facebook to face my book.
  30. I wish common sense to be more common.
  31. Take your nose back, I found it in my business.
  32. Tried to loose weight…….But it keeps finding me.
  33. Whenever I think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette.
  34. God is really creative, I mean ..just look at me ?
  35. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
  36. I was reminded that my blood type is Be Positive.
  37. Behind every successful status, there is ctrl+C and ctrl+V
  38. Facebook must have the ‘no one cares about’ option too.                                                           
    funny fb status
    funny fb status
  39. Facebook is like a prison because you write on its walls.
  40. I know I am awesome, so I don’t care about your opinion.
  41. Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
  42. I’m not arguing, I’m simply tried to explaining why I’m Right.
  43. I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. :p
  44. Liking your own status is like appreciating yourself.                                                                                                       
    funny status messages
    funny status messages
  45. Never let your friends alone. Disturb them always.
  46. I speak in my mind. Don’t remember whatever I speak.
  47. People are like clouds when they go day becomes beautiful.
  48. People who cancel their Facebook account are the real heroes.
  49. Single is not lonely, and the relationship is not to be happy.
  50. May your life someday be as good as you make it out to be on Facebook.
  51. What if we CAN breathe in space and they just don’t want us to escape?
  52. Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.
  53. If you get difficult questions in life, Google gives you answers.
  54. To be successful in life have them: backbone, wishbone, and a funny bone.
  55. Mark Zuckerberg ruined our lives. That might not be a funny Facebook status for him.

Funny Facebook Status Ideas

Impress your friends, colleagues, and followers with interesting and funny Facebook status updates and make them laugh out loud with your witty one-liners.

Sometimes your status is the perfect way to tell some people what you think, and use your sarcasm in a funny way. Try these sassy, savage and hilarious one-liners and get likes on your post.

  1. 6 Peg Loading .. 😀
  2. Hi, I’m James. Let’s bond.
  3. You look like I need a drink.
  4. Yes, I don’t care. Please try again.                                                                                                     
    facebook statuses
    facebook statuses
  5. I can handle pain until it hurts.
  6. Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
  7. Smile while you still have teeth.
  8. T.G.I.A. (Thank goodness I’m awesome!)
  9. WTF is WhatsApp, Twitter, and Facebook.
  10. How can I miss something I never had?
  11. One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.

     

     

     

     

     

     

  12. An ugly personality destroy a pretty face.
  13. Silence is the best answer to a FOOL.
  14. F is my favorite word for Friday.
  15. Eyebrows speak louder than phrases.
  16. Hey, there WhatsApp is using me.
  17. Nothing is illegal until someone caught you.
  18. Everyone is fine until you see her on Twitter.
  19. The first five days after the weekend are tough.
  20. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
  21. People say me bad..but trust me I am the worst!
  22. I don’t have goals it is for players. I am not one.
  23. Google should be a woman. It knows everything.
  24. I am me, and that is something you can never be.
  25. Save paper. Don’t do your homework.
  26. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
  27. Rule 1 I am right, but if I am wrong, read rule 1.
  28. The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight 🙂
  29. I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them 🙂
  30. My wallet is like an Onion, when I open it. It makes me cry.
  31. My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
  32. I miss the days when I was put my head on my desk…
  33. The road to success is always under construction.
  34. I am a smart person but just do stupid things.
  35. Who needs TV drama we have got Facebook.
  36. I am not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
  37. If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂
  38. I  forgot to work out today. That’s 5 years in a row!
  39. I’ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
  40. Found out today you cannot join a gym “just to watch”.
  41. Men also have FEELINGS, for example they can feel HUNGRY.
  42. Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn’t.
  43. The trouble with being punctual is that no one cares.
  44. If you are reading this, be happy you know how to read.
  45. I keep my Facebook page public to make you jealous.
  46. My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
  47. Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. 😀
  48. ‪I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house. It was delicious.
  49. My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
  50. Everyone is normal until you add them as your Facebook friend.
  51. Don’t argue with an idiot. They beat you with their experience.
  52. Facebook, suggested friends are the people I am trying to avoid intentionally.

Funny FB Status, WhatsApp Messages And Instagram Captions

Here are some of the most hilarious, funny, witty, crazy, silly Facebook status updates, messages and sayings to make your profile interesting.

  1. I’m immortal. So far.
  2. Broken pencils are pointless.
  3. About to dance my feet silly!
  4. Eat doughnut. Save vegetable.
  5. “What’s up cake?” “Muffin much.”
  6. Crying? Grab a tissue, not Facebook.                                                                                                           
    status quotes funny
    status quotes funny
  7. The world is great. Until you wake up.
  8. Nothing is illegal. Until you get caught.
  9. You put the “pro” in “procrastination.”                                                                                               
    funny facebook status ideas
    funny facebook status ideas
  10. You can’t be late until you show up.
  11. Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
  12. If you fail to convince, try to confuse them.
  13. The exercise I do is ‘running out of money.’
  14. Round is a shape. I am in shape then.
  15. I can resist anything, except temptation.
  16. The phone screen is brighter than my future.
  17. Dear Math’s grow up and find your X yourself.
  18. Haircuts are the reason why I have trust issues.
  19. I put the ‘Me’ in ‘Someone,’ and things get awkward.
  20. Money does not make me happy but shopping will.
  21. Chocolate, coffee, and men the richer, the better.
  22. Sometimes I prefer to use my face as emoticons.
  23. Teachers name it cheating. Friends call it teamwork.
  24. Don’t trust a person with only one Facebook picture.
  25. Does running away from problems count as a workout?
  26. Your attitude can hurt me; mine may even kill you.
  27. I am what you see. Don’t want your opinion sorry.
  28. I am not a teaser. A reminder of what you cannot have.
  29. People laugh, as I am different. I laugh, as they are the same.
  30. Looking at school books and thinking: what a waste of a tree!
  31. I am 100% done with today and about 37% done with tomorrow.

 

Hope you had a good laugh! 🙂

Looking forward to reading more of your favorite funniest Facebook status updates in the comments section below.

Share the inspiration with friends & family!

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